"Danika Jade... my heart" p.s. C-Sections Suck...

I was so angry and overwhelmed and the  pain from the surgery was like being hit by a car. i couldn't sneeze, move, roll over, cough, laugh or even use the "Powder Room". I was miserable. but when this magical baby was put into my arms... everything was perfect. I was overwhelmed with love for this little baby... my baby... so small. perfect. her cleft really wasn't that bad. she was so beautiful.

The nurse told me her palate wasn't cleft. I couldn't believe it. i had prayed for her palate to not be harmed so that she could feed. i had researched it over and over while i was pregnant. i knew they saw the cleft in the sonogram and i was accepting of it. while they told me they where 100% sure that her palate was cleft... since i couldn't see that part... i held out hope. well... sure enough... her palate was fine. Tears came to my eyes... she was even able to breast feed. i was so blessed.

I just stared at her.
she has blue eyes? maybe? i don't know... they're kinda dark? but blue right? maybe green? is there yellow in there? don't think so... i guess she wont have my eyes...
she has his scull... least she wont have my big head.
she has my big hands and feet... on no.. my feet.   p.s i wear a 12" :/
she has my nose... but his nose was like my nose in ways...
who's lips does she have? not to make fun but her bottom lip seems long...

and i would just continue in my head for hours.
i loved to hold her. i was so tired but i didn't want them to take her. i didn't care that i didn't sleep for days.
leave it to me to pass up free baby sitting.

now home to the brand new nursery :)