Long overdue for a post



well I havent posted in a while... ive been so busy. so lets bring everything up to date...

Danika's surgery went great! she was out in a day and back to her smiling self :) no issues with the hospital this time. to everyone who has Danika in prayers, Thank you.

 She heals so fast and is such a happy kid. her lip is looking so much better.  we will still have to have a retouch in a year or so but shes looking good! tell me thats not the best smile in the entire world! proud mommy momment.

With Thanksgivng past and Christmas coming up I cant help but thank God for all the Blessings he has given us . I remember last year being pregnant and being so scared and depressed over what i thought was a curse . Today was our first get together with other Celft children and their families. We made a few new friends including a beautiful young girl who just gave birth 2 months ago to a baby girl with a cleft lip and palate . Now Danika isnt the youngest in the area :) She asked me how i felt when i found out and if i wanted to hide Danika's face from people when she was born... at that moment i had to hold back tears. I had felt that way and wondered about it when i was pregnant... i search the internet looking for answers and hope. I told myself i would never have more children in fear that they all may be born with Clefts. as things stand there is no real answer as to why these children are born this way. But the second i got to hold my little angel in my arms all i wanted to do was show her off to the world. this little miricle that was part of me . The reason I started this blog was not only to keep friends and family updated on progress... but it was ment to help other moms and moms to be... women who are going through what i have and need advice and guidance . Cleft or not... these are our babys . our heart and soul . the love of our lives . the best part of us . they are not something to hide and be asshamed of . If i can can get reach to one person through this all... then its all worth it.

On a happy note... here are our Christmas pictures. I think they came out Fantastic!





I am also happy to say that Dani has been crawling for a few weeks now. Girl is fast! lol she is also very good in her walker and can round corners like nothing! She is babbling all the time and also says "I Love you Mama" warms my heart everytime! she just makes me so happy. she also has cut 2 teeth and has been enjoying finger foods like bread and mum-mum cookies and little bits of meat and fruit cups and whatever else she is able to chew :)

Bella and Dani love each other



stole my slipper right off my foot!




P.S. she also Loves Santa!

The Next Step Begins

its been a while... Ive been focused on other tasks. before anything else let me say Danika goes into surgery in a few hours.

to catch up she has been very interested in learning how to crawl. she babbles and sucks her lip. she now can move her self out of a crawl position into a sitting position all on her own and is up on her knees more and more.... well she still cant go forward but she does this thing where she scoots backwards all the way down and spins a U Turn to come back. crafty to get what she wants =) my smart kid (proud mommy moment)

It makes me sad that she is going to be bound up in arm braces aka NoNo's... she almost has crawling down and now we have to take it away. well anyway... here are some random pics to bring everything up to date =) pics are the best part anyway right ? :



look mom no hands :) 




Sick Face




We were both sick with a cold ad Dani had a double ear infection. the Dr gave her meds and everything is now good to go for surgery



 we got the ok from Danika's Dr she is good to go. time to sleep a little before its too late. Surgery in a few hours. Prayers everyone!

Ok I'm going to end with something random... this may sound a bit "Hippie" and so be it... i don't know who believes in the power of energy and spiritual experiences... signs and gut feelings... anyway this point... I've been feeling a lot of emotions around death and pregnancy. i havent been able to eat all day feeling sick to my stomach at times. in a way it makes sense because life and death go hand in hand. I'm not sure what it means but years ago i was very on point with these things and its all random. some may say womens intuition. so my question to my self is who? someone is either pregnant or passing... at least my gut is saying so.

P.S. for all who think I'm crazy... i don't care ;)

time for bed... Lord bless the hands of Danika's Surgeon. May his vision be clear and let his hand be still. No more scars on eyebrows. Let him love my child and not let pride keep him from doing what is best for my child. Amen

she sits!

That's right... Danika is now able to sit up all by her self! cheesey i know but I'm such a proud mommy. ill probably cry the day she walks. Ive seen other baby's develop faster and some slower so i haven't been too worried... but with the tile in our home and her healing from surgery I've been cautious about her hurting herself. I took her to a friends with carpet and kids to socialize with and sure enough my baby showed me she can do it!

she has also been studying her hands and fingers... moving them around slowly and observing them move. pucking up toy's and dropping them to see them fall... and now rather then leaving them where they fall and forgetting about them she now remembers and goes after them with her newly trained fingers! its so amazing to watch a baby grow and learn. its the most rewarding experience. she just makes me a better person just for knowing her.

it so cute to watch her play with other kids now. she used to stair and shriek... but now she just gets into it. she gaga babbles at them and shares toys. its the cutest. bad part is that she gets so distracted by them she doesn't eat without getting it everywhere.... That's right!! i forgot.... shes eating Baby food now and loving it! much better then the cereal. my big sitter.

 on a scarier note... we had a very bad tornado warning the other night. my mother starts running around putting everything she can think of into her bathroom. Danika seemed to actually enjoy the make shift bed she was made in the Tub :) she like it so much that she spent the entire night there and even slept in!

as for me i gave up and went into my own bed... i just got too tired to wait it out and told mom to wake me if she see's anything. which thankfully nothing happened.

As for Danikas lip its healing beautifully. i have to say im still very upset about the scar above her eye from the surgeon slip up. it scares me that he has to touch her again. it really puts me in a bad spot. do i offend the one man willing to do her surgery pro bono? do i chance that? is she safe with him? not to offend but this man should have retired 20 yrs ago. and while yes he does a wonderful thing for these celft children both here and in his home country... he still is past his prime and could have blinded my baby!

anyway we have a couple bigs days comming up. she has the surgeon appt next week and we should have a surgery date from there.  and next month we finally have a child support  hearing. im scared. every time i think about seeing him i panic. the last time i saw him was at the restraining order hearing and i shook and cried the entire time. there is something about a person making u feel helpless. its not even the pain from his hands beating me that bothers me... it was the fear that i couldnt defend myself against his strenth. and now the fear that one day he could do that to my daughter. yea this is just for the support and he would have to take further action to try for visitation and yes odds are it would be court supervised visits if anything (hopefully) but still... i'll just have to put my faith in god to protect us and keep us safe.

ill end today with a few wonderful photos that en ex coworker took for us at her daughters birthday party. thank you Stephanie :)

long day

today and every other day this week have just been crazy. my mother calls it mercury in retrograde. i think chaos is the the word. but non the less we took a drive to see my sisters new place today. was told we had to get her a vacuum and then when we got there it turned into a mall event... now i know most ladies go nut's on that but I'm just not that chick. I'm more like the husband in the only chair waiting for it to be over so they have a beer and kick back on the couch. metaphorically speaking of course. and putting it lightly i didn't want to be at the mall. but there we all were. mom chasing Haedyn around the store while Chelsea try's on cloths and I'm sitting in the shoe section singing "the artist formally known as prince: Kiss" to the radio to keep danika smiling =)

Any who,

back at Chelseas place feeding the kids and she just tooks some great pictures. i wanted to share.

they grow so fast.

so i have to say... Danika is a trooper. she is just taking this all so well. she has to wear arm braces called "nonos" . sorry... just think that words kinda funny:p and her arms are straight all the time and id expect her to cry and fuss but she is just so ok with it all. once in a while she bumps her lip and cry for a min but then everything is fine. she is becoming more routine with her feedings and predictable naps. she is eating more then ever and in a healthy 60th percentile for weight and 95th percentile for height. god has really answered allot of prayers out there for her recovery. to spite it all and how bad things could have gone she is blessed and thriving. every day she changes so much and if you blink you miss something. its funny because I'm so drained from adjusting to this new day schedule and watching her to make sure shes not trying to chew on anything... and i spend all day wanting her to fall asleep so i can nap. but then she she finally does sleep... i find myself missing her. of course i never get to nap... its ok though... in an odd way the lack of sleep is motivating me. i wake up at the same time every day without an alarm and have just enough time to wash and get her bottle ready before she wakes up. well a syringe is what they gave us to feed her... man they really suck. i had to push with 2 hands to get it to budge and when i tried to move it when it was stuck i ended up shooting it so hard onto the ceiling it rained milk for about 5 min... solution: turkey baster with a soft sip tip from the syringe. down side: crying baby when u have to refill every 1/2 ounce. but it is what it is.

shes also starting to really bounce in her bouncer. she has a blast. in ways.... the arm bands have her exploring things is a different way. even when i take of the bands to let her stretch she still likes to keep them straight because she sees its more precise. its so amazing to be there with a new life as she learns the simplest things for the first time. nothing could ever replace a feeling like that. i understand why women give up so much of themselves to be mothers. its just the best :) she blows bubbles and sucks her lip at everyone. she smiles all the time. never seen such a happy kid.

back flips are not fun for Mommy's. i don't know what it is with infants but they all go through the back flip stage. my niece did it all the time of couches and beds. she thinks its funny... but ill tell u right now its not to fun being the one on back flip watch. I'm happy to say she seems to have grown out of it as of a couple months ago. but now Danika's picked up on it. cant leave her alone on anything and have to swaddle her to sleep. i wish she could have tummy time... it would have her crawling rather then flipping.

find out more about her recovery and next surgery when we go to the surgeon in a few days. it looks good but it seems like the last stitch was a loose one because with the first scab falling off it showed an unclosed part on her lip. the rest looks good but I'm not sure how they will fix it. as for her brow she has a scar. I'm pretty pissed about that. I'm even more pissed I'm being forced to bite my tongue about it for the pro bono Dr. I'm doing what i have to... but i don't like the spot I'm in. this is my kid... its not your kids... its my kid. you don't gash her eyebrow for no reason!   Ok sorry just saying. i know I'm right. just saying.

the house is coming together also. still messy... but allot better and got new cabinets for the kitchen and new movie storage for the living room. its all coming together. Danika's room is just about done and were are figuring out what fits her at this awkward 6month growth spurt.

I'm going to end today's blog on a crude note. Danika has be bound up for a couple days since she tried oatmeal. she has been pushing all the time and makes the funniest faces I've ever seen. i try so hard to be serious because i know it hurts her and she wants mommy back rubs. but these faces... my god... i almost peed it was so funny. her eyes bug out she scrunches her nose, her tongue sticks out to the side as her lower lip tightens and veers off with it. her eyebrows raise all the way up and she turns beat red making grunts. ... shes gonna hate me for this one day.. ha