long day

today and every other day this week have just been crazy. my mother calls it mercury in retrograde. i think chaos is the the word. but non the less we took a drive to see my sisters new place today. was told we had to get her a vacuum and then when we got there it turned into a mall event... now i know most ladies go nut's on that but I'm just not that chick. I'm more like the husband in the only chair waiting for it to be over so they have a beer and kick back on the couch. metaphorically speaking of course. and putting it lightly i didn't want to be at the mall. but there we all were. mom chasing Haedyn around the store while Chelsea try's on cloths and I'm sitting in the shoe section singing "the artist formally known as prince: Kiss" to the radio to keep danika smiling =)

Any who,

back at Chelseas place feeding the kids and she just tooks some great pictures. i wanted to share.

they grow so fast.

so i have to say... Danika is a trooper. she is just taking this all so well. she has to wear arm braces called "nonos" . sorry... just think that words kinda funny:p and her arms are straight all the time and id expect her to cry and fuss but she is just so ok with it all. once in a while she bumps her lip and cry for a min but then everything is fine. she is becoming more routine with her feedings and predictable naps. she is eating more then ever and in a healthy 60th percentile for weight and 95th percentile for height. god has really answered allot of prayers out there for her recovery. to spite it all and how bad things could have gone she is blessed and thriving. every day she changes so much and if you blink you miss something. its funny because I'm so drained from adjusting to this new day schedule and watching her to make sure shes not trying to chew on anything... and i spend all day wanting her to fall asleep so i can nap. but then she she finally does sleep... i find myself missing her. of course i never get to nap... its ok though... in an odd way the lack of sleep is motivating me. i wake up at the same time every day without an alarm and have just enough time to wash and get her bottle ready before she wakes up. well a syringe is what they gave us to feed her... man they really suck. i had to push with 2 hands to get it to budge and when i tried to move it when it was stuck i ended up shooting it so hard onto the ceiling it rained milk for about 5 min... solution: turkey baster with a soft sip tip from the syringe. down side: crying baby when u have to refill every 1/2 ounce. but it is what it is.

shes also starting to really bounce in her bouncer. she has a blast. in ways.... the arm bands have her exploring things is a different way. even when i take of the bands to let her stretch she still likes to keep them straight because she sees its more precise. its so amazing to be there with a new life as she learns the simplest things for the first time. nothing could ever replace a feeling like that. i understand why women give up so much of themselves to be mothers. its just the best :) she blows bubbles and sucks her lip at everyone. she smiles all the time. never seen such a happy kid.

back flips are not fun for Mommy's. i don't know what it is with infants but they all go through the back flip stage. my niece did it all the time of couches and beds. she thinks its funny... but ill tell u right now its not to fun being the one on back flip watch. I'm happy to say she seems to have grown out of it as of a couple months ago. but now Danika's picked up on it. cant leave her alone on anything and have to swaddle her to sleep. i wish she could have tummy time... it would have her crawling rather then flipping.

find out more about her recovery and next surgery when we go to the surgeon in a few days. it looks good but it seems like the last stitch was a loose one because with the first scab falling off it showed an unclosed part on her lip. the rest looks good but I'm not sure how they will fix it. as for her brow she has a scar. I'm pretty pissed about that. I'm even more pissed I'm being forced to bite my tongue about it for the pro bono Dr. I'm doing what i have to... but i don't like the spot I'm in. this is my kid... its not your kids... its my kid. you don't gash her eyebrow for no reason!   Ok sorry just saying. i know I'm right. just saying.

the house is coming together also. still messy... but allot better and got new cabinets for the kitchen and new movie storage for the living room. its all coming together. Danika's room is just about done and were are figuring out what fits her at this awkward 6month growth spurt.

I'm going to end today's blog on a crude note. Danika has be bound up for a couple days since she tried oatmeal. she has been pushing all the time and makes the funniest faces I've ever seen. i try so hard to be serious because i know it hurts her and she wants mommy back rubs. but these faces... my god... i almost peed it was so funny. her eyes bug out she scrunches her nose, her tongue sticks out to the side as her lower lip tightens and veers off with it. her eyebrows raise all the way up and she turns beat red making grunts. ... shes gonna hate me for this one day.. ha

my brave little girl

after 2 hours of sleep we got up at 3am to get ready for surgery. hospital by 6am for check in... and 8am she goes in. i swear Ive never seen her in such a great mood... i was expecting a cranky baby with not enough sleep and nothing in her belly... but no... she was the sweetest thing. she just kept smiling :) all i could think about was how much I'd miss her smile. how much pain she would be in and how long it would be before she smiled again... 11am out of surgery doing well

and then... 5 hours of non-stop screaming in agony. every time they would double up her morphine and shoot her up over and over she would scream louder. I'm holding her trying to calm her on verge of a panic attack from no sleep, constant worry, and now my baby is hurting and the nurses couldn't think of anything that would help... finally 5 hours after surgery they bother to check her IV hours after stating "this isn't normally what its like" and long behold her IV was in her muscle and all the drugs where not only not going into her blood and giving her release... but it was burning every time they injected her making it worse. excuse my language... but i never want those fucking people touching my kid again. bad part is i have no choice because she still has at least one more surgery and it has to be done at that hospital. i hate that hospital. they took my confidential information about my ex attacking me and used it to call child protective services on me before i ever got to meet my daughter... and sure enough they did it again this time because i almost had a panic attack and let my mother hold her while i went on a lunch break breather.... um excuse me??? but isn't that the responsible thing to do?? the patient advocate sure agreed with me when i put in a formal complaint with the hospital admin... now for the 2nd time. and while i have to say the surgeon did a wonderful job on her lip... he came out telling me there is tape on her head because he had to lean on her face to keep from slipping and bruised her head and the tape keeps the bruise from spreading... has anyone ever heard of that before? google sure hasn't because when we questioned it and he told us we don't know because we we aren't Dr's and that he has been one for 47 yrs and that is that... well we google it and found nothing. sure enough its not a bruise but a gash just under her brow and in my non-doctor opinion it looks like a sharp tool was dropped on her head almost blinding her. maybe I'm being an over-protective mother... but i don't think so. but he made it very clear that he is pro-bono and we're lucky. OK I'm going to move on before i get upset... here is Danika's after surgery pic...

i just love this kid so much. she is doing so great. one day out of surgery and we get an early release and she's home bouncing in her bouncer to her cartoons as if nothing had ever happened. she is getting better with eating and sleeps about 4-6 hours at a time which is better then expected. at this point ive become used to 6 hours sleep a day anyway so its all good :) im just so happy shes ok. and the best part... she still has her bright smile :D