my brave little girl

after 2 hours of sleep we got up at 3am to get ready for surgery. hospital by 6am for check in... and 8am she goes in. i swear Ive never seen her in such a great mood... i was expecting a cranky baby with not enough sleep and nothing in her belly... but no... she was the sweetest thing. she just kept smiling :) all i could think about was how much I'd miss her smile. how much pain she would be in and how long it would be before she smiled again... 11am out of surgery doing well

and then... 5 hours of non-stop screaming in agony. every time they would double up her morphine and shoot her up over and over she would scream louder. I'm holding her trying to calm her on verge of a panic attack from no sleep, constant worry, and now my baby is hurting and the nurses couldn't think of anything that would help... finally 5 hours after surgery they bother to check her IV hours after stating "this isn't normally what its like" and long behold her IV was in her muscle and all the drugs where not only not going into her blood and giving her release... but it was burning every time they injected her making it worse. excuse my language... but i never want those fucking people touching my kid again. bad part is i have no choice because she still has at least one more surgery and it has to be done at that hospital. i hate that hospital. they took my confidential information about my ex attacking me and used it to call child protective services on me before i ever got to meet my daughter... and sure enough they did it again this time because i almost had a panic attack and let my mother hold her while i went on a lunch break breather.... um excuse me??? but isn't that the responsible thing to do?? the patient advocate sure agreed with me when i put in a formal complaint with the hospital admin... now for the 2nd time. and while i have to say the surgeon did a wonderful job on her lip... he came out telling me there is tape on her head because he had to lean on her face to keep from slipping and bruised her head and the tape keeps the bruise from spreading... has anyone ever heard of that before? google sure hasn't because when we questioned it and he told us we don't know because we we aren't Dr's and that he has been one for 47 yrs and that is that... well we google it and found nothing. sure enough its not a bruise but a gash just under her brow and in my non-doctor opinion it looks like a sharp tool was dropped on her head almost blinding her. maybe I'm being an over-protective mother... but i don't think so. but he made it very clear that he is pro-bono and we're lucky. OK I'm going to move on before i get upset... here is Danika's after surgery pic...

i just love this kid so much. she is doing so great. one day out of surgery and we get an early release and she's home bouncing in her bouncer to her cartoons as if nothing had ever happened. she is getting better with eating and sleeps about 4-6 hours at a time which is better then expected. at this point ive become used to 6 hours sleep a day anyway so its all good :) im just so happy shes ok. and the best part... she still has her bright smile :D